So why does it feel like everyone wants me to stay with him?
Let’s say I’m telling a friend about my boyfriend. I tell her I don’t feel good in the relationship. That I’m always second-guessing myself. That I keep adjusting how I show up, hoping it’ll feel better. He can be charming, sure. But mostly, I leave the interaction feeling unsure or tired.
And instead of saying, you don’t have to do this, she says something like, “Yeah, he’s a little complex…” or “Maybe just see him once a week?” or “Maybe try changing your mindset?”
What kind of advice is that?
So I go to someone else. Same thing. Then I go online. Same thing.
Everyone’s trying to help me work with the bad boyfriend. No one is saying: You can just stop.
That’s what Instagram feels like.
I’ve tried to limit my time on there. But that leaves me with a pile of unread DMs that make me feel crappy. Like I’m letting people down.
And I do want people to know what I’m working on. And I can’t show my art without showing it. But posting on IG feels so loaded… So I hold off. I think about it. Then I post. Or I don’t. And I question myself either way.
Sometimes I get on there just to support people I care about. But then I end up on there for an hour, and it turns into that rabbit hole again. And I have a weird, vague icky feeling.
I don’t understand why we’re all still trying to make this work.
But I’m off to post on Instagram.
See you there, I guess.